Never
by Kendarath
Summary: On a mission gone wrong, Jack doesn't make it back to the SGC, what's Carter to do? SJ (I swear it's not Edora)
1. Prologue

Title: Never  
Category: Stargate: SG-1  
Genre: Romance/Angst  
Censor: PG-13 for language  
Summary: On a mission gone wrong, Jack doesn't make it back to the SGC, what's Carter to do? S/J (I swear it's not Edora)  
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate yadda yadda yadda

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Carter stumbled through the 'Gate, supported on either side by Teal'c and Daniel, barely registering Teal'c roaring 'Close the Iris!' She hardly even noticed when she was lain on a stretcher. One thought was circling though her mind, _Jack. Where was Jack?_

"Jack?" she asked, though it sounded more like a moan to her.

She saw a woman who she thought was Dr. Fraiser exchange a look with the bald man beside her, General Hammond, her confused mind told her. "You need to rest Sam, Teal'c says you took a nasty blow to the head."

"Wh're's Jack?" she slurred, embarrassed by her inability to speak clearly, but needing to ask the question anyway.

Dr. Fraiser looked again at General Hammond, _that blow must have really knocked Sam's brains aroung for her to be calling Colonel O'Neill 'Jack' aloud._ Her own thoughts nearly made Janet laugh, she knew of Sam's love for Colonel Jack O'Neill, you would have to be blind not to. But oh how they denied it. Sam was either _very_ worried about the Colonel, or her brains were rather addled. "He'd fine Sam," Janet said, lying and hating herself for it even as she said it. She needed Sam to calm down so she could look after her properly.

Carter collapsed back onto the stretcher, limp. She'd been so worried Jack wasn't going to make it...

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Carter came to again to find herself staring at the ceiling of the infirmary of the SGC. "Janet!" Daniel called, before leaning into her field of vision, "How're you doing?" he asked.

Carter merely grunted in response, looking around her little partition of space. There was Teal'c in the corner, looking over what was the equivalent to his smile. Daniel sat beside her, there was Janet pushing aside the curtain and entering.

Carter opened her mouth to speak, and found that only a squeak came out. Swallowing, she managed to rasp out, "Where's Jack?" Daniel looked uncomfortable, dropping his gaze to his lap, before looking up at Janet, who was staring down at her clipboard as though it were the most interesting thing in the world. Teal'c's smile had disappeared and he looked almost distressed. Carter realized in a flash of insight what was going on, she closed her eyes for a brief moment, searching for something, anything to grasp onto that wasn't Jack… "You lied to me," she croaked out.

All three of her guests looked at her, surprised. "You said he made it," she said, looking straight into Janet's eyes.

The doctor held her eyes for a moment, then looked away, and Carter realized that her face was tearstained, "I needed you to stop moving. I'm so sorry Sam; I never wanted to lie to you. You were just so worried…"

Carter frowned, "But you _lied_." Carter frowned, turning away from the woman who was supposed to be her best friend, to face the wall. The truth was so important to Carter, one of the most important things in her life. She _hated_ being lied to.

"I'm sorry," whispered Janet, and Carter could hear the quiver in her voice that said she was about to cry. She listened as Daniel's chair scraped back and the archeologist took the doctor out of the room.

She listened to Teal'c breathe for a few moments before she said, "Aren't you going to berate me, for yelling at Janet?"

She heard the rustle of clothes and suddenly Teal'c's face was in her field of view again, "No, Major Carter, I believe you were completely within your rightst to be upset with Doctor Fraiser. I know how much you dislike being lied to." Carter grunted. "Though, I do have to ask you; Would you have allowed Doctor Fraiser to bring you back to the infirmary if you knew that O'Neill had not made it back?"

Carter looked at Teal'c, "No…" she said slowly.

"Doctor Fraiser only had your best interests in mind," Teal'c said.

Sam sighed, "I know… It's just… I need _someone_ to be mad at, and it's easier to be mad at Janet then try to figure out who's fault it is that Jack's not here."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow, "It is no one's fault that O'Neill is not here."

Sam sighed again and closed her eyes, "Teal'c…"

Teal'c was about to respond when a nurse told him that it was time he left because Carter needed her rest.

Carter lay awake for a long time.

She never cried a tear.

TBC

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A/N: Read & Review. I don't have a beta, so forgive the bad grammer/spelling etc. (If anyone wants to volunteer for the position, I won't object). Also, feel free to add me to MSN kendarath_darkwind@hotmail.com, just make sure you let me know in a review/e-mail that you're from ff.net! ^_^ 'Till next chapter!


	2. Knowing

*Stands before reviewers with teary eyes* Thank you so much guys! I've never had such overwhelming support before, and most definitely not on the first day. *sniff* I've never been so touched and inspired in my entire life. While I was typing up the first chapter I changed some stuff, and I decided that I didn't like how quickly I made the second chapter move, so I'm fixing it, it won't take that long.  
  
And now, before this chapter begins, I'd like to dedicate it to Joss, for beta-ing it for me. ^_^ Thanks a million! You don't know how much it means to me!  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Chapter One: Knowing ~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
ONE WEEK  
  
Carter's eyes opened slowly to find her face smushed into her keyboard. Blinking at the painful glare of her computer screen in her eyes, she looked blearily at the clock, 0935. She blinked again, then shot to her feet; she had a briefing in 5 minutes! Carter hastily tucked her shirt into her pants, ran her hand through her hair and hoped to God she didn't have the imprint of her keyboard on her face.  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
Not once could she get a lucky break, could she? This day is just getting better and better, she thought sarcastically, hitting the keys of her keyboard unnecessarily hard. She'd had keyboard imprints on her face, a stain on her shirt that she hadn't noticed that everyone else had, there hadn't been any coffee left, there had been some problem with some computer somewhere that she had to fix, it had taken her three hours to get from her briefing to her lab for goodness sakes!  
  
Carter sighed, "Why are you people so against me working?" she asked her empty lab. She rubbed her fists into her eyes; she had no ideas on what she could do to get Jack back. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Carter looked around her lab, her eyes landing on the gadget that SG-3 had brought back from their last mission. Standing, Carter walked over to the table, looking down on the gadget. I have to keep up with my work. she thought to herself as she began work on the gizmo.  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
Carter looked up from the gizmo several hours later, to see the clock on her desk telling the time of 1530. Rolling her neck, Carter looked at the pitiful amount of work she'd gotten done. Carter ran her hand through her hair; she wasn't getting anything done here. Maybe it's time I go apologize to Janet, she thought, realizing that there was something other than Jack's disappearance that was bothering her. Carter flipped off her machines and headed down to the infirmary where it was more than likely that Janet was.  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
Carter knocked on the door to Janet's office, then stuck her head in, "Janet?" she asked tentatively.  
  
Janet glanced up from a pile of paperwork, "Hi Sam," she said softly, looking down again.  
  
There was an awkward silence for a few moments before both women blurted out, "I'm sorry." They both looked at each other and smiled slightly.  
  
"I'm really sorry Sam," Janet said quickly, "I know I shouldn't have lied to you, and I don't blame you if you hate me, but you should know that I was just doing what I thought was best."  
  
Sam smiled softly, "I know. And I'm sorry for blowing up at you. It was just." Sam sighed painfully.  
  
"I understand," Janet said, not wanting to see her friend dredge up the pain of a week ago. It was something everyone just wanted to shove to the back of their minds and never think of again. It was too painful.  
  
Sam left that thought unvoiced and went on to her next one, "I know you did the right thing, if you had told me he was-" Sam swallowed heavily, unable to complete her sentence, yet again, "Well, I would have been trying to get up and go back for him." Sam looked up from her examination of the floor; "Can we be friends again?" Please don't say I've screwed everything up, she thought desperately to herself.  
  
"Of course!" Janet said, with obvious relief, "I thought you wouldn't want to be friends with me." The two women shared a laugh, realizing they'd both been fearing the other would reject them. "Cassie and I are renting a bunch of movies to watch tonight, wanna join us?"  
  
"I'd love to," Sam said, happy for the first time in what felt like forever. But it was a happiness that didn't touch every part of her heart.  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
ONE MONTH  
  
One month. One month he'd been gone. Carter stared at an empty casket as it was lowered into the ground. Hammond had declared Jack MIA, presumed dead, so here they were, holding a funeral for him. It seemed so. false. Jack's body wasn't in this casket being lowered into the ground. This hole in the graveyard beside the grave of his son. She raised her eyes from the casket and the hole to look around at the other 'guests'. All of them were crying. Janet had her head buried on Daniel's shoulder, who let his tears run unchecked down his cheeks. Jack's ex-wife Sarah was crying. Jacob was crying. Even General Hammond and Teal'c were crying. Only Carter didn't cry.  
  
She couldn't cry for a man who wasn't dead. Ever since she'd come back from that mission to P3M 128 or whatever the hell it had been called, she'd known, without a shadow of a doubt, that Jack was not dead. There were times when her faith wavered, where she thought that maybe she was deluding herself, Jack was dead and she was just in denial. But then, there were moments like this, where we watched them lower this empty casket into the earth, that she knew, Jack was alive, and he was just waiting for them to come back and get him.  
  
They couldn't go back through the Stargate; the Eitanicans had buried it, or destroyed it, or something. They couldn't go by ship; it would take a long, long time to get there from any of the planets that their allies, the ones that Carter had been able to contact anyway, lived on. The Asguard, the one race that Carter thought might be able to reach Jack, remained un- reachable. Carter had no idea what to do, except pray that Jack got himself off Eitanic, to a planet with a Stargate, and home. That and continue with trying to build a small spaceship, which was rather difficult, considering she only had what she'd seen to go on, no one would just give her a ship. Not even the Tok'ra. Said they wouldn't provide Carter with a ship for a suicide mission. Funny how they'd give them a ship to go to Hell, but not one for her to go to the semi-primitive planet of Eitanic and get Jack. So all she could do was believe in Jack. Believe that he could get home.  
  
She couldn't not believe.  
  
A/N: And now. replies to reviewers!  
  
Thanks to mugseymalone, zippy-rainbow (thanks for the comment on Teal'c's smile, he's amazingly hard to write! Who knew emotionlessness was so hard.), EridaniMoon, max, lighteninglady, joss, JavaJunkieGurl, Ilovsg1, charlie-sjer, sandjgirl and Lynn.  
  
I hope this was updated fast enough for you ^_^. And as for Jack. I have a proposition for you all. I wasn't considering writing any more on Jack until Carter learns more (the story was going to be centered on her) but what do you guys think? I also want to know whether you guys think he should be dead or alive (though judging by your reviews you really don't want him dead!)  
  
And before I leave you to review, I have to say again, that you guys have overwhelmed me with your support, I never in my wildest dreams imagined I'd have such a great response to a story that was inspired by a drawing. (which I'll scan if you guys wanna see) 


	3. Ship

^ * ^ * ^ * ^

Chapter Two: Ship

^ * ^ * ^ * ^

FOUR MONTHS

Carter sat behind her desk, staring at the ceiling of her new office. Standing up suddenly Carter walked around to the front of her new desk and picked up the nameplate. _Colonel Samantha Carter_. "Colonel…" Carter murmured, "That's going to take a lot of getting used to…" She sighed and set the Toblerone shaped item down. She paced around her office, returning to the desk quickly, not surprising considering the fact that her office really didn't have much space in it. The furnishings consisted of a desk, two chairs, a computer and a bookcase. Not that Carter was complaining, she still had her lab and that was enough space for her. She was glad for the office though; she could use the extra desk-space. Carter returned to her chair, but remained standing as she lifted a framed picture off the desk. It was a picture of SG-1, the original SG-1. Carter winced, it was horrible, having to correct herself like that, replacing Jack was hard. Both with a new member of SG-1 and moving up to fill his shoes. It was rather funny, how easily Carter had fallen into Jack's place. She laughed bitterly to herself; she was the SGC's new Jack O'Neill, complete with piles of paperwork.

Carter found herself shaking as she stared down at the picture in her hands, staring at one member in particular…

__

A sickening crack filled Carter's ears and she stumbled, falling to her hands and knees, praying silently for the world to come back into focus. "Carter!" she heard Jack yell.

Carter felt herself being lifted to her feet, "Sir," she replied, blinking heavily. Carter recognized the feeling of being practically dragged into the forest. She blinked hard again; taking a deep breath she shook her head slightly. As the world began to spin out of control again, she made a mental note not to move her head. When the forest was right-side-up again she spoke, "I think I can walk."

Jack looked at her skeptically before letting go of her waist, not moving very far in case she fell again. Carter swayed slightly, but stayed upright. "Move out," Jack said quietly, Carter noticed then for the first time that Teal'c and Daniel were with them. Jack turned and started out; Carter took one step and would have fallen if not for the fact that Daniel inserted himself under her arm. Carter smiled thinly at her friend and started forward again with his help.

Carter shook her head and set the photo back down on her desk, she didn't need to think about that, she needed to figure out a way to get to Jack.

"Unauthorized Off-World Activation." Carter looked up reflexively at the speaker in her office before starting off at a jog to the control room.

"Receiving Tok'ra ID, sir," Carter entered the control room just in time to hear someone say to General Hammond.

"Open the iris," Hammond commanded as Carter came up beside him. Carter watched as the blue event horizon appeared from behind the dull grey iris. Carter admired it for less than a second before she ran to the Gate room to greet the Tok'ra who came through.

"Dad!" she exclaimed as her father stepped through the event horizon, followed closely by Anise.

Jacob smiled and pulled Carter close to him in a hug, "Good to see you sweetie."

Carter pulled away and offered a hand to Anise, "Welcome to the SGC, what can we do for the Tok'ra today?" she asked as she shook Anise's hand.

Hammond entered the Gate room then, "General Hammond," Anise greeted, "The Tok'ra require your assistance."

Jacob sighed and rolled his eyes at Anise's bluntness, "Good to see you George."

"And you Jacob. Come up to the briefing room and we can discuss the reason you're here."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Carter sighed to herself as she closed the door to her office, leaning against the door. Oh how it would be nice if the Tok'ra came for a nice visit every once in a while, not to ask for their help in some mission that they couldn't do.

The Tok'ra had a small "'ship plant" on some planet that had been discovered by a Goa'uld. The Tok'ra, of course, wanted the SGC's help. And of course Earth jumped to help the Tok'ra. Carter sighed again and looked at her ceiling before turning around and leaving her office again to assemble her team.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Seven days and many dead Goa'uld and Jaffa later Carter found herself staring at a small ship somewhat like the one that SG-1 had taken to Hell, but heavily modified. Carter turned to look at the rest of SG-1, meeting Teal'c's eyes, trying to convey her plan to her unofficial 2IC. As he wasn't in the military he couldn't _technically_ be her 2IC, but he really was. Understanding filled Teal'c's eyes and he turned to the young Tok'ra who was with them, "I am sorry," he said, knocking the Tok'ra out. Daniel and Zach Crook, the fourth member of SG-1, jumped and looked at Teal'c in amazement, then turned to Carter when she didn't reprimand him.

Carter looked steadily at the two men, "I don't expect you to follow me, you can if you like, but please don't tell the Tok'ra before we get away." She saw understanding in Daniel's eyes and turned away before he could protest. 

Teal'c was already opening the ship and Carter stepped in, knowing Teal'c would follow after her. She turned around to see all of SG-1 behind her, while Teal'c closed the door. "You think I'd just leave you two to get Jack all by yourselves? I couldn't trust you to stay safe!"

Carter turned to look at Zach, he shrugged, "I didn't know Colonel O'Neill personally, but I know he'd have to be a great man to inspire such loyalty in those under him. That and I've heard stories."

Carter swallowed heavily, the closest to tears that she'd been in a long time, "Half of those stories aren't true," she murmured softly. Taking a deep breath she turned to Teal'c, "Get us out of here before they realize what we're doing." Teal'c nodded and turned toward the controls. Carter stood solidly beside him and stared unseeingly out the window in front of her, _We're coming to get you Jack…_

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

General Hammond stared at the Tok'ra in front of him. "You're telling me that SG-1 stole a ship from the station after they'd helped liberate it and are currently headed off to God knows where and we have no way to find them?"

The Tok'ra squirmed, "I'm afraid so."

General Hammond sighed, if Carter was leading, he knew where they were going, "Let's just hope they get back okay."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

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A/N: Kay. Here's the end of Chapter Two (or three depending on how you look at it…). Thanks to all who reviewed. I'm already halfway through Chapter Three so that'll be up by the end of the week in all likeliness. Also, my cousin's going to be scanning the picture that inspired the story on Friday, so I'll probably have a link up with the next chapter.

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Jettwolf90: Tah dah! More!

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Mugseymalone: :D I was trying to end with a dramatic line like that, but unfortunately, this chapter screwed it up. :D, I don't know, I wanted to write a story centered around Carter, she's one of my favorite characters.

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Laura: Don't be to impatient, it's going to be a _long_ story. :D.

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Mlle Lambert: Yeah well, I'm even _eviler_ in another story I'm writing right now.

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Lynn: :D, there there, you'll find out eventually.

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Max: Thanks for the opinion, it has been noted.

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Ilovesg1: *grins slightly* you'll find out soon. *grins again*

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Sher: It's nice to know that people like what I'm doing :D.

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Black Leather: *blushes* aww… that's so nice…

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Mel: tah dah, more!

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Charlie sg-er: well, there'll definitely be a convo with Jacob within the next couple chapters… just not in this one… And if Jack was going to be at anyone's house, it would be mine. So there :P.

Thanks for all the lovely reviews, it really inspires me. In fact, I wrung this chapter out of my brain just for you guys. And believe me, it was a slow and painful process. Well, actually that's a lie, once I sat down to write, it was easy, but anyway…


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